Emptiness!

It seems like ages since the last time we talked, I wish you could just show up again. I have a hard time dealing with all this, I can't sleep, I can't find my peace of mind. 

I'm thankful for the time God let you be in my life, I just wish I could've told you more often how much you meant to me, cuz now you're just gone & it feels like all the words are stuck in my throat and I just can't seem to be able to breathe the same way without you.

If I could just know you're fine, maybe this whole bunch of feelings would be a bit easier for me to handle.

I dunno what to say, I just miss you so bloody much! My smile has faded away, I miss the bubbles & the magic you brought into my life. I miss my friend, I miss you, I really miss you loads ♥ 

In common...

There are many things that happen when two people meet; sometimes a kind of magic happens and those two fantasize about being in love.

I'd lie if I knew how many times it has happened to me in my 33 years of life, I'm only aware of 3 times, I guess the rest wasn't so important...

If I want to be honest, then I can only talk from my own perspective. To me falling in love has always been this crazy-magical-awesomely-weird moment. The kind of feeling that awakes other feelings, emotions I thought they could only exist in movies. Yeah, I've always been this silly-romantic-dreamy kind of woman. 

The times that I've fallen in love with someone, have all been pretty different, but they all have something in common... the type of man I've fallen for seems to be alike. Dreamer, funny, silly, adorable, in need of a hug or something like that...

Since they all have shared my "love" I happened to have shared their way of being, and here's the one I hate the most: all the men I've fallen for are kind of scared of facing me with the truth when I've asked them for it. 

I wonder why that is, it's not like my feelings can disappear in a second and turn into hatred just cuz of hearing the truth.

Today has been one of those days where I like to think of the patterns I've followed in life to be where I am. I have no regrets, every single thing I've done -either good or bad- has taken me to a happy place. I'm content with my life, although I can't deny that now and then I wish I could change a couple of things, just to improve my wrongs.

So, hmm funny how the men in my life shared not only a few memories with me, but also their character & parts of their personalities.  

        

Somewhere In Bubbleland...

Wish I could explain what I've been feeling lately but I guess certain things are better left unsaid.
I can't say that I'm proud of whom I've become, but I can't say that I regret who I am now either...

The way I see everything that has been going on lately, well I've basically just been enjoying myself, enjoying what life has been giving me; days filled with joy & happiness! 
I've been feeling so alive & to me that's something worth enjoying... A blessing!

Life's full of magic, sometimes we just get "lucky" enough & we're granted a ticket to a magical world. I've gotten mine, funny thing is, it took me all the way to Bubbleland. 
I've been there a few times, haven't gotten the chance to explore it completely but so far I'm loving what I've been able to see.

Like everything magical, I'm not counting on "forever", I'm simply letting myself go with the flow & embrace every single chance I'm getting; after all, Bubbleland it's just a magical world where I feel cherished & happy.
I know one day the magical bubble will burst, as all bubbles do, but this is not about sadness, this is about life & its chances.
I've always believed that you gotta let yourself go to find who you are & what you want, if all this isn't worth trying then I guess I didn't deserve that ticket at all.

Half of a soul...

I wonder where and when can I let this sort of emptiness fade away; ♪I feel it all around, the sound of missing you, the silence is so loud♪ (Wildboyz ft. Ameerah - The Sound Of Missing You), just wonder if these phrases show too much of me, if they let you see what I feel...

Wish I could put into words what this whole situation means to me, I guess I can't cuz there's a part of my soul missing, living somewhere else...

I promised myself that December was going to be the closure of this "brief story" but somehow it kept on showing up in my mind; I wrote a lot during December & January, most of it a secret conversation between you & my soul. I wrote you lots of letters, one said something about how it was time to accept the fact that there's no point on wanting the 2 parts to get together when each of them has taken its path in the world; sometimes I simply wrote notes, telling you I miss you, I wish we could talk. 
Yesterday I had a  serious conversation with soul while being pretty drunk. I guess she knows that even when she finally let go half of herself, she will always be able to find her other half in songs.

I'd like to be able to tell this story better, but I can't. The soul has only dreamt  of feeling whole once, aiming for a perfectly imperfect wholeness. One that was never meant for DO or DIE; a kind of ALL & EVERYTHING that could never be certain; something worth dreaming of... 
I wish things would've been different, that fear wouldn't have conquered your mind. I wonder what was going through your head to act so unexpected. All I know is that it really happened, it meant more than what you or me will ever want to admit. It could've been the beginning of a journey in this weird game where you win when you find your soulmate. 

Music... it always talks about you, they all sing to our shared soul... ♪You gave me more to live for, more than you'll ever know♪ (Jeff Buckley-Last Goodbye); the title of that one kinda says it all, right?